Friday, October 30, 2009

You Belong To Me

Unfortunately, my first blog post begins on a dark note... I wanted to start more upbeat... but I witnessed a tragedy on tv yesterday whose story needs to be told.

America's sweetheart, Carly Simon, who recently chose to re-release the classic "You Belong To Me" on her new piece of shit record, Never Been Gone, has chosen the Today Show as the platform from which to showcase her newly found lack of all vocal skills.

You might remember this tune from it's original glory, as it was co-written by hero to all Yacht rockers: Michael McDonald. In case your ears need a refresher, here's a great performance, probably recorded from an enormous yacht somewhere:

Genius right?

Now watch as Carly Simon pulls out her sharpest knife and proceeds to butcher this gem into a piece of shit:

Sounds like a cat getting into a fight with a toddler, right?

You'll notice seminal hip-hop producer John Forte here on the backup vocals... giving Carly Simon that hip edge the young people really get down to. Check out what I just found on John Forte's wikipedia page about the record he made with Wyclef Jean after The Fugees broke up:

"The album sold 79,000 copies, a disappointment blamed in part on the fact that "the record's project manager quit Sony a week before the album was released, and Epic put little cash behind its promotional tour."

I bring this up as he shares the same denial of obvious failure to make a good record as his new bandmate Carly Simon, who is now suing Starbucks Label for:

"...$5 million to $10 million because her last album flopped. She claims the coffee giant didn't promote her 2008 album enough via its (now-defunct) music division and that "her terrible sales were a result of Starbucks’s mismanagement." [NYT]

Oh really? So you don't think your record not selling had nothing to do with the fact that you look like a horse and can't write anything any decent person would listen to?

Please, if you care about the state of yacht rock at all, do Carly a favor and write her on her myspace blog when you get a chance:

I know I plan on writing her something very educational... as soon as she approves my friend request.

- Mike